I look at other photos and remember her birthday and see the times when she really started changing, when her hair finally started growing and how tiny she was! Don't get me wrong, she still is small as far as weight goes for her age but she was LITTLE! I saw photos of close friends at the time that we rarely, if ever, see or talk to now.
As I think back I want to say I miss those days but going back would mean giving up where we are now which is so much fun too! Don't get me wrong, there are many things I miss about those days. For starters, being able to carry her in her car seat in the store ASLEEP, multiple naps. But, all the things I'd be giving up that I really enjoy now, her being able to communicate (using words!) what she needs and wants, how much more she can do and understand. She's grown up from a baby into a little person in what seems like a single day. As much as I hate that certain things are done I love knowing and seeing all that she has learned in such a short time!
So, instead of missing those days I'm choosing to cherish those days. I got so tired of everyone telling you to cherish every moment because they grow up so fast! But its so true! Now I find myself saying it to others.
All this came to mind tonight while I was making a slide show of our graduates from church. I was scanning baby pictures, photos of them as toddlers, playing sports, finishing each with each graduate's senior photo. **On a side note, I must say that I'm pretty proud of this slide show. ;-) ** I have only 16 more years to go and I'll be turning in photos of her for her graduation video.
All that to say what's on my mind tonight is to appreciate where I am now. That doesn't include wishing I was in the past or wishing I was at a point in the distant or not-so-distant future. Where am I NOW and what am I doing with it? This is something I typically struggle with. When things are hard I look to the past and find myself thinking 'what if I had...". On the flip side I often look to the future. I'm a planner, I like to know what to expect. Its difficult for me when big changes happen suddenly or to sit back and wait for things to just happen. I'd rather make them happen.
Right now I'm trying to remind myself that I don't have control over my future. Sure, I have choices and though time will make many, many decisions but I don't believe those options are placed in front of my by chance. Even when I choose to go a certain route I've often seen God close that door, forcing me to go the other way, the way I didn't want or choose to go. The question is, am I doing my 'job' and trusting him for my future or am I trying to do God's job for Him?
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